One major challenge while working at P.I.C.A. is that my job description changes regularly. At first I jolted and figuratively stomped my foot in frustration and stubbornness.
I thought (and even verbally expressed), "NO. I do NOT want to and CANNOT do all of these things and be in charge of so much!"
Why the internal attitude? Simply put, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm prideful. If I can't do something in an amazing way, I would rather not touch it. If I'm not great, I feel bad about myself.
For example, I'm not an amazing pianist. Therefore, I didn't want to play in front of people.
But you know what I'm learning? Our talents (no matter how tiny) are not ours. They are HIS.
On the musical day of Regional Student Convention, when I was to accompany two student ensembles and one duet, I remember praying, "Lord, be glorified. Let this not be about me, but about You. Help me, please." I was desperate and dependent, but finally willing. And it seems that is where He wants me, at least for now.
In my missionary work I wear many "hats," including: supervisor, math and English tutor, coach, errand runner, pianist (for church and school), music helper, mentor...
But most importantly, I am a daughter of King Jesus. Therefore, I can go through my days with peace, no matter how inadequate I feel. He is worthy of everything I have and everything I [think I ]don't have.
An Update:
~I am now the head supervisor of fourteen Junior high/ highschool students and assistant to an additional fourteen. Please pray for me as my responsibilities increase, that I would be who I need to be--completely.
~The past two weeks has been Spring break, and filled with fun as well as work, and I am thankful for such a refreshing time.
