The Lord has given me the privilege of being the main supervisor over thirty middle schoolers and highschoolers. I deal with autism, ADD/ADHD, epilepsy, demonic possession (so it seems), and plain old rebellion. There are students who...
push e.v.e.r.y. button
cut every blessed piece of anything in front of them
roll on the floor
spit in my face
can't give me one second of peace
need motivation
are talking about suicide
have been molested
are just plain lazy
have much girl drama and attitude
are deeply wounded
have been physically intimidating
are very disrespectful
REFUSE to stay seated
want to date me
whine constantly
As a woman who looks young and only stands a bit over five feet, this has been quite a challenge. so many tasks. so much sternness. I have to defy my personality in order to maintain order and professionalism. It wears me out--this work, this love. There is no such thing as personal space, haha!
But beyond all the crazy, there is such joy and peace. This is a gift, this adventure of love, of wacko I-must-be doing-this-for-the-Lord. From wake to sleep, I have a mission. I carry a backpack of burdens, but every night I can lay them before the feet of sweet Jesus. When I first started working with the older students, I was so overwhelmed because I thought that I had to FIX everything, and that every problem was my fault, somehow. But really, I just have to stay near the Lord and softly summon them to Him. Some days I just walk away for a second and pray for strength for that moment, for that hour, that day. And His refreshing waters of peace and strength do NOT run dry. Even in the loneliest of moments...He is there. He is my knight, helping me slay the dragons of my stinky attitude towards conflict with the students.
It feels heavy sometimes, that backpack, but HE is the strength of my life, my heart. And HE is my portion forever.
4 comments:
Oh, wow. I can't imagine how drained you must be, emotionally and physically. I pray that the peace of the Jesus Christ would guard your heart and mind, and bring you rest in Him.
Love you.
Thanks for writing this. The "Good Fight" of faith is an interesting concept; so long as we breath Earth's air it is never over, even though it is already won... Hang in there-The Lord has already seen tomorrow, and He's prepared!
I love you, and I pray that the Lord would help that "backpack" feel light. Just wanted to let you know that this blog entry was in the church bulletin this morning. I will be praying for you, my girl. Love you. MOM
Such a blessing to read your thoughts on the 'backpack'...I need to remember your thoughts here as I care for mom from day to day.
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