There was a time in my life when I was a cutesy college gal, leaning on my handsome, godly beau. There was a time I could wear whatever I wanted, and I was told every day how cute I was.
Now I am a teacher, wearing skirts past the knees with professional tops, hair pulled back, no bright nailpolish, no hippie sling bag, no TOMS, or green chucks. My job is marvelous, but in this role I have struggled in my personal life. Who am I? Me. I used to think about myself a lot, and desired for people to cater to my plans and whims. The gentlemen at Bryan College were great about getting the doors, carrying things, etc...my brothers and dad, too. But now I am the carrier, the door opener, the one people depend on. And I love it and am thankful for it, however, sometimes I forget that I am still a young woman, and that I shouldn't despise my femininity, but, like everything else, offer it back to Christ, for His glory.
Today I heard these statements:
"Miss, I thought I saw you last night...but the girl who looked just like you was with four guys, so I knew it couldn't be you."
(During a girls dress code/modesty chat)
"My mom said that she wants to dress like you, but that my dad would hate it."
Am I an utter frump?! AH! Internally I scream and want to curl up and hide away. No. So, here is a letter to me from me:
Dear Audrey Ann,
You need to let it go. Don't be afraid anymore. Weight and wardrobe do not define you, and besides, you can alter those as needed. It's for Prince Jesus. Everything. All of it. Breathe, girl.
My sister, Abby, always says, "Fight the frump!" We can be stylish and modest. The focus must be Christ. If I get caught up in all the legalities, I become no better than the pharisees. May I wear clothing that I wouldn't be ashamed to meet Him in, because He's with me, anyway. And I can always lean on Him, cutesy or not. Hallelujah.
5 comments:
The hidden man of the heart is our greatest adornment...glad you are getting it...we've been trying to tell you for a long time that we consider you beautiful from the inside out.
This post ministers to me. Thanks, sis. :)
It's not the clothes that makes you so beautiful. It's your lovely face, your dainty hands and feet and your smile that lights up the room. The sun's highlights in your long wavy hair crowning your face. I appreciate you discretion when working in the class with all the young men and being professional around. But we all know they are still all in love with their teacher.
You are a beautiful woman, with cutesy clothes or not .. but I must say, I understand your thoughts. I help with PE and then the afterschool care at a Christian school, so these kids only see me in PE clothes, or some variation, which includes the same old t-shirt, plus long shorts or pants instead of gym shorts. I feel so gross when I get home ... but it makes the times when I do get to dress how I want even more exciting. Heck, I got excited about buying groceries with Andrew tonight because I could wear what I wanted! I love you, dear girl, and please know that you are doing good -- and that you aren't alone.
I had similar experiences when I worked at Office Depot where I wore a uniform of black pants and ill fitting blue oxfords. Wearing jeans was such a treat!
And, Audrey Ann, I've ALWAYS thought of you as completely adorable and cute, but the Audre Ann experience that sticks out in my mind (blazingly, in fact) is when you and I were talking in your room on Huston Base at the beginning of senior year. About boys, about God, and about our hearts. You became such a different kind of beautiful to me that night.
I love you, friend!
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